Stepfamily Issues

Personal stories about stepfamilies, childhood and general family issues.


February 18, 2010

liberated mothers


Elisabeth Fritzl's heroic story hit a raw nerve with Shannon because while she had spent the past twenty years raising the children of a deadbeat dad, Elisabeth had spent 24 years locked up in her father's cellar effectively doing the same thing, being raped repeatedly at the same time, but while Shannon craves for the day when her children leave home and set her free it would appear that Elisabeth credits her children for keeping her sane and quite rightly sees liberation in a very different light.

"In my mother’s time," says Shannon, "women were expected to stay at home or work in 'suitable' jobs until such time as they snared themselves a husband, but my fate was largely determined by the Women's Liberation Movement of the 60s that ultimately gave me the dubious honor of working a full day outside the home as well as performing traditional mothering and housewifely duties."

"My mother had never worked outside the home - and she had a reasonably happy marriage," says Shannon, "but my marriage cracked very early under the pressure of it all. My husband disappeared -- to South America, I think -- and that's how I became a single working mother."

"I tried very hard for the dream of interdependence in my marriage," says Shannon, "but for all the lip service he paid to parenthood, housework and bread-winning being a shared responsibility my husband was no different to the traditional man, like my father, and his before him, who never lifted a finger to help with the children and housework."

"Women of my generation were told that they can have it all," says Shannon, "but even though a whole new generation of men have grown up after women’s liberation I've yet to see a truly liberated women in marriage."

"As a single mom I yearn for liberation and independence," says Shannon, "and yet I accept that with mouths to feed - too many people dependent upon me - I am the antithesis of the liberated woman. I have been little more than a slave for the past twenty years -- it's been like a life sentence."


"Right now, my kids are dependent upon me for accommodation," explains Shannon, "and while this dependence doesn't drag me down too much, I am nevertheless annoyed that children these days are encouraged to stay at school until they’re 21, rather than getting a job and leaving home at 16, like I did."

"I'm even more annoyed by the fact that the money young adults do earn these days is wasted on automobiles and entertainment rather than saved to put towards a home of their own."

"My own mother left home at 14 to go into domestic service," says Shannon, "so I feel very sorry for the single moms of the future whose children may be leaving home at 30 or 40!"

"I appreciate that a lot of traditional entry level jobs have been lost to automation," says Shannon, "and that there are far too many people in the world and not enough jobs for them. So, it's not my kids' fault that their desires for independence - and my desire to get on with my life - have been squashed by the new world order."

"In my mother’s time," says Shannon, "women were expected to stay at home or work in 'suitable' jobs until such time as they snared themselves a husband - often referred to a lifetime meal ticket."

"Independent women were often forced into marriage against their desire, but some were able to escape this fate by the good fortune of having enlightened parents or rich parents."

Shannon’s marital fate was largely determined by the Women's Liberation Movement of the 60s that ultimately gave her the dubious honor of working a full day outside the home as well as performing traditional mothering and housewifely duties.

"It was very difficult working and raising children on my own," confides Shannon, "and I am full of admiration for a growing number of women these days who are either delaying having children until they're financially independent or are choosing not to have children at all."

"There are still a lot of women who opt to become totally dependent upon a man or welfare," says Shannon, "but the dream remains for many women that they can share life with a partner in an interdependent relationship."

" Actually," laughs Shannon, "I am growing more and more to believe that most men are just not suited for an interdependent relationship with a woman."

"It is a rare man who can truly accept a woman into his life without wanting more than he is prepared to give in return," sighs Shannon. "Also, two people starting off in an interdependent relationship can become far too dependent upon each other over time and the situation can become unhealthy."

"Being stuck with children to raise on my own was not healthy either," admits Shannon, "but it was a lot better than being married to a total deadbeat as far as shared responsibilities were concerned."

"I am most certainly not against men or sex or children," says Shannon, "yet I feel that if a woman cannot find a truly interdependent relationship - where two people can live independent lives and yet share togetherness - it is better to be totally independent, a free agent, living your life authentically, being responsible for what happens in your life rather than being trapped in a relationship that is essentially based upon a man’s convenience."

"As a single mom I yearn for liberation and independence," says Shannon, "and yet I accept that with mouths to feed - too many people dependent upon me - I am the antithesis of the liberated woman. I have been little more than a slave for the past twenty years -- it's been like a life sentence."

Shannon is not dependent upon others for her living expenses or happiness, but her adult children are still dependent upon her in certain respects and this restricts her freedom.

"If I left them, they are likely to suffer financially and emotionally," says Shannon. "So, I do have responsibilities and I take them seriously."

"It's hard to say whether I would choose to have children if I had my life to live over again," says Shannon. "Twenty years ago was a very different world to what it is today, and in twenty years' time it will be a very different world to what it is today!"

"I am just looking forward to spending the next half of my life free of people dependent upon me," says Shannon, "and if that makes me selfish then it's a healthy selfishness - not an uncaring selfishness."



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